Happy Love: (Only a hormone powered and overwhelming urge like sex is capable of motivating human behavior in the radical way which will be necessary to save the world from our neglectful trends.)

Abstract: We know that primates like ourselves are capable of self destruction when given complete access to the pleasure centers of our brains (exemplified by the monkey experiments in which the experimental animals died at the lever, which was directly connected to the pleasure center of their brains). Even we sophisticated humans have to be provided with instruction about the dangers of anything as naturally appealing as sex early in life and stimulated to use it's overwhelming power for good. Sex instruction has to measure up to the level of potential danger inherent in sexual responsibility and has to be developmentally appropriate to the learners. Early sex education is as simple as letting kids know they will have sex alone only until they are grown up. When they approach their teens they should receive positive messages about sex describing how wonderful it will be when they have a a partner that they have known long enough to trust, a place where they can experiment undisturbed and comfortably, and told that babies require significant resources to have the same opportunities for happy choices in the future. Then, according to the maturity level of the individual, he or she should learn everything they can about the joys and traps of sex as they would learn from a document such as this one.

Human kind has avoided sexual instruction throughout history due, in part, to the natural tendency for the opposite sexes to compete for power in their relationships using sex as a weapon. Humans will require nothing less than a paradigm shift in sexual communication to meet our needs as a species in this neglected world. We can't use fantastic mythological fears or fantastic romantic concepts to distract young individual from sexual contact especially due to the wonderful innovations in information delivery such as the internet and entertainment media. When we can overcome our tradition of sexual neglect we can use the overwhelming natural power of sex as an incentive for global safety and global limitlessness. The simple answer to the poor communication between males and females regarding sex is education and practice, just like every other skill.The obstacles to sexual instruction are the very real dangers associated with sex and the primitive traditions which persist to apply controls on our overwhelming urge to procreate. The attempt to control our intense biological requirement for humans to procreate, has inadvertently been the source of over reactive laws and traditions in attempt to stop sexually transmitted disease and sexual offences. Part of the over reaction to the sexual urge throughout history is to restrict the very education, which is going to be needed to end the danger of disease and sexual violence. Most people are not dealing with sexual urges as a couple and these individuals can easily find images of sex in association with everything from inanimate objects to human excrement and children. Though it could be tempting to toy with free speech by allowing some appropriately monitored government office to extract these images from the internet and other media, there are ways to encourage individuals to safely stimulate themselves and encourage educated sexual relationships before they find their life partners. Simply put, individuals who attend to their mental and physical needs develop healthy sexual goals. There is enough variety within the healthy and legal sexual choices to keep us aroused throughout our sexual learning process. Dangerous sexual practices can begin if one masturbates long enough that he or she postpones urinating, that individual can begin to associate the elimination of urine with sex and take those confused fantasies into future maturations and even into sexual relationships and disappointing or limiting their choices of mates to those who are inappropriatly trained as well. Individuals who are exposed to sex or sex talk and/or images too young can begin to associate sex with individuals who are the age they were at their inappropriately young exposure. So pedafiles and those who are arroused by beastiality and human excrament have real challenges developing adult relationships. As reluctant as our government has been to meeting the needs of drug adicts, individuals are going to have to educate themselves in personal sex psychology and shape their futures into the citizenship which human kind needs to survive this dangerous state of our world.

Due to the lack of communication/education rampant in our present societies, individuals depend on moments of peer pressure, inhibition or intoxication to get them past the initial awkwardness. Quite often the subsequent pregnancy and/or mental and physical wounds go on to destroy the individual's first and future relationships. This book attempts to begin a new era of communication with the understanding that our relatively short human life cycle requires that we attract a mate, extend the period of sexual experimentation long enough to create a grateful bond between potential parents and then procreate when it is financially possible and sustainable. Those who are open minded enough to educate themselves are still up against two of the earths greatest foes which are fast food and pornography in all their forms. Fast food and pornography can be illuminated from the equation when generous adults create a cycle of rewards by meeting each others sexual needs. Men will become fit and don't want or need pornography when they are motived and trained to kiss their mates fit vaginas and receive blow jobs as often as they would have masturbated instead. Women are excited to become fit and give daily sexual variety to a fit man who has the energy and interest to meet her emotional, family and nesting needs after work. To accomplish this our living spaces, our choices of food and activities have to be situated to make it hard to be lazy and easy to be fit and exciting. The only TVs in our living spaces should be near a place where we can exercise or near (for those lucky few who have them) exercise equipment and not near the bed. The computer is communal and visible in the house and only perfect food is in the kitchen.

Liberal/Conservative Cultures and Plagues

If we look back in time there are obvious swings back and forth from the open-minded to the closed-minded populations and back again. Our cultures respond in kind to the extremes to which the pendulum swings. If a culture becomes very liberal and poorly educated numbers of people become well funded and lax about self control, the pendulum responds by swinging far to the conservative side. When our conservative leaders become too powerful, and religious or other fundamentalist's begin to take away our liberty, then the opposite swing takes place. Taxes are again raised by the liberals to comfort the uneducated majority until enough loopholes are found by the lazy masses and the swinging continues back to conservative. No one wants to think about the idea that whole cultures have been wiped out by sexually transmitted disease in rebellion to the conservatives and/or to the indulgence of liberal periods of history. And sexually educating the majority is too inconvenient and politically dangerous for ether party to take on, so our leaders just dump or withhold vast amounts of money on the public schools, which continue the deadly swinging of the conservative/liberal pendulum. We don't want to think that relatively educated individuals, like ourselves, could have caused the diseased and miserable deaths of billions, over thousands of year because, in our secret thoughts, we want to think we are definitely going to get good sex someday. We are just waiting for the right moment to really enjoy sex and other liberated excitements. Ideally we would all be so educated that we would understand how dangerous and pleasurable sex is and objectively eliminate the dangers of sex while insatiably benefiting from the pleasure as a powerful incentive.

We are all confident that we deserve sexy excitement, whether it is the 70 virgins which Islam martyrs long for or a satisfying bounce in the sac with our husband or wife. Freud was profoundly correct about at least one thing and that is that "Everything is about sex." Sex Power can kill or launch cultures, and now that the world is shrinking into one potentially beautiful eclectic culture, sex will ether kill or launch mankind.

Many cultures have beautiful sexual sculptures on their abandoned temples and palaces. The Asian, Greek and Roman erotic ceramic and mosaic art is a testament to how open minded some of the population had become before anyone knew about the innocent microscopic bacterial and/or viruses which killed off their hosts. Those innocent bugs and viruses took advantage of the fluid swapping opportunities they used to meet their own reproductive imperative. Some Native Americans tribes were said to have had, "Husbands who were not jealous." and the remains of their cultures are now in the basement of museums because european bacteria and viruses have the same need to procreate that we humans have. This author intends to convince the readers of this book, that we human beings have developed to the point that we can turn history on it's ear by using our overwhelming sexual imperative to launch human kind into our safely limitless potential and win the battle with diseases which unknowingly wages war against sexual liberation. We can have the sex which is worth fantasizing about if we educate ourselves, balancing the conservative responsibility and liberal relationships.

Think like a team

It is no secret that both men and women are vulnerable with regards to sex, but it is amazing how single-minded individuals become when considering just the male's point of view or just the female's point of view. When we discuss the extraordinary intimate psychological challenge it can be for women to adapt to receiving the male into their bodies we completely forget the extraordinary psychological dependency men have on visual and mental images to stimulate an erection. On one hand, new relationships require men to woo and reassure their way into the females confidence, and on the other hand, stable relationships require dependable and elaborate wooing/ reassurance of the woman at least once a month and thirty minutes of adoration a day for the life of the relationship. On one hand, new relationships require women to quickly show clear appreciation and then on the other hand, when the male is on the right track to meeting her expectations and when she does accept the male as her mate she needs to spend thirty minutes a day pampering the males erections, teaching him and letting him stimulate her for the rest of their lives together.

Men need to know they are going to get some sex in order to get a healthy erection, but if the same male is not clever enough to make it interesting, the partners lose much of their incentive to meet each other's needs. The Woman has almost complete control of the man's incentive to excel in life, if she can remain or make her vaginal area fit enough for exciting cunnilingus, but many men have to be educated to enjoy passionately kissing that part of the woman's body in the first place. Ironically and cruelly, most couples have so few sexual experiences before the woman gets pregnant that neither the male or the female ever learn how to please the woman sexually. When the majority of women gain weight from their first child and they think they are never going to be satisfied, it becomes very annoying to participate in men's orgasms and relatively more pleasurable to manipulate the man by limiting access to his pleasure. Men begin practicing to stimulate their own orgasms very young but most women are discouraged from a similar self exploration because they are the ones who can become pregnant.

When we hear the millions of jokes throughout history about men hiding in their work from family responsibilities, we forget about the millions of jokes about the subtle and direct ways that women avoid sex after marriage.

We have to remember both the male and the female at the same time. It is a team challenge, which does not match with many of the popular sex mythologies, jokes and folklore. Women confidently state that trusting husbands should just, "Do what they say!" and bossy men go to violent extremes to control hopeful women. Those caught up in one extreme are totally unaware of the suffering of others, even in their own families. There is not enough honest communication about sex. This author will attempt to be much more honest and objective than any that the reader has ever read.

Use the power of nature

Everyone has a point in their lives when they are struck with the thought that "Everything is about sex!" Most life forms depend on the overwhelming sexual attraction between male and female. So much so that most animals and uneducated humans don't even know that it is sex that is the cause their mates pregnancy and yet they still procreate. They just know they are very excited around individuals of the opposite sex and that some parts of their mate feel better than others when they rub them together. Even people who are educated enough to know that baby's come from sex don't know why they feel so, "out of control" when they think of the subject of sex. But it is because of that tradition and hormone induced excitement that so many women think they are very smart when they take advantage of immature men by dating, dancing and/or having sex for money. And it is because of that powerful basic mating urge that so many men think they are very smart when they waste their time and money controlling women for the chance of any kind of sexual arousal.

Neither males or females are smart for controlling each other with sex. Monkeys can manipulate each other with sex and humans are capable of developing trusting relationships where partners actually fulfill each other's fantasies.

At present, a little less than half of all men and women are trapped into unsatisfying roles and are too lazy to escape their routines to become excited or productive. Woman and men who have chosen to be productive or excited as individuals often remain alone in their private lives because they are inexperienced, uneducated or unwilling to train and be trained by a partner in a trusting and generous relationship. If the reader of this book has children, you know how often the child will not accept daily training from the parent, but will adapt instantly to the simple suggestion of others. So will a mate be often unwilling to accept information about sex from his or her partner. When this obstinate tendency is recognized it is best to describe it directly with your partner and if the partner is unwilling or unable to adjust to our healthy wishes, we must move on and improve our communication skills, refine our sexual goals and/or find someone with similar goals. Sex is one of the most important communication systems so if your mate will not participate in the healthy sexual goals you enjoy it has to be thought of the same way as a potential partner who will not learn the most common language in the family. Communication is the most important thing of all. If you have kids they are going to be just like you in most of the important ways because they do what they see and not what you say. So we have to keep moving forward and up as a good example all our lives. Kids know when the parents are good communicators who trust each other. Even though they won't see their parents most intimate behavior, they learn from the subtle lifetime of courtship which parents share.

Women with healthy self confidence feel trapped by relationships unless the woman is adored with the security of her choice. The man feels trapped unless he is appreciated with the frequent sex of his choice. Set the limits where they are safe but still fun and you will become prolific in all aspects of your life because there will then be appropriate rewards for your efforts. The truth is that trusting relationships are the only environment where a woman can forget herself mouthing her mates penis or sharing any of her openings in a truly confident and mutually satisfying way. Only a trusting relationship can allow a man the confidence to assume the masculine role which can assist him in his careers and satisfy his mates fantasies. Only a trusting security will allow a woman to be proud enough and excited enough to pour herself into sexual variety. The exceptions are individuals who have shaped their habits in lonesome response to their survival needs. Another exception to the natural sexual roles is "popular culture". Many individuals who are slaves to peer pressure will adopt confusing sexual roles for as long as they can afford it. For the most part sexual roles were shaped by the simple needs of procreating couples who had to learn their roles in the face of survival and child rearing. Any extreme adjustments to the traditional roles can weaken their potential durability as incentives, though almost any adjustment can be rationalized to meet the needs of individuals with physical or mental variances as a survivor of war might specialize in cunnilingus if his lower body were damaged.

Cooperation is a huge focus in the public school systems because businesses have desperately (and rightly so) imposed team work on their communities. Teamwork is a universal need. Families need the same kind of practice with cooperation so that fathers and mothers can have happy sex lives and stay together to demonstrate "a life time of wholesome family life" to their offspring.

At worst we can think of sex partners bartering the things the male wants for the things the female wants or, at best, we can think of how potentially passionate the two sexes can be about sharing the things they love. Sex is better than anything for most men because even the simplest life forms only survived through history if they have an enormous drive to reproduce. Security is a deep and overwhelming urge for most woman because offspring don't survive or excel without at least two adults working tirelessly to assist them for their whole life time.

Not all couples are trying to have children but the natural urges that all life forms share, control our choices and our quality of life none the less. These natural tendencies for women to want commitment/security and for men to want sex is just as powerful and useful to us when we just move in together as it is when we share life's responsibilities in marriage and child rearing. When we are honest about what we want and what we have to give, the male and the female can ride their lives passionately, absorbed in their career, home and sex lives. That passion is the engine for their job choices, fitness levels and their contributions to the community.

A healthy, educated and sexually satisfied community is the driving force behind any successful population throughout history. It is only when the sex interferes with our productivity that it corrupts and distracts us from our productive goals as successful life forms. It is true that any animal, including humans will isolate themselves and become unproductive when the pleasure centers of their brain are stimulated unhindered. But humans have reached a level of detail in their thoughts where we have to learn to depend on our group allegiance to lovingly monitor and educate our families when we are tempted to become unethical in our treatment of ourselves and others.

Here is an example of the convoluted motives and poor communications which plague relationships and tend to led to competition even in experienced partners. This author met a woman with identical skills in art, identical family support, identical objectivity born of life's challenges, but it was too important that she have access to the wealthy communities and malls of San Francisco to accept my offer of marriage and humble educator's salary. This woman could not afford to participate in the high life of a California city but the city fed her fantasy of meeting a young executive who would need her critical eye and appreciation of the "good life". On the other hand, she was so accommodating sexually that this author took her for granted and was almost totally focused on his pleasure so he can't judge the woman for not having patience with him. While the relationship took place the author was unaware how selfish he was being as I'm sure the woman was unaware that she was displaying her dissatisfaction with the author's financial status in the community. The readers of this book may benefit by knowing the short comings of the author with regard to long term relationships.

This author's family members spent a great deal of time demonstrating activities and skills, so he gets nostalgic pleasure from demonstrating skills and activities to others. For this reason, teaching became his logical occupation. Each day is a performance for him, exemplified by his life's motto which is, "My life is my masterpiece." You can imagine the ego involved in a lifestyle based on the concept that others will benefit from ones example, but this author still wishes to meet a women with which to watch and assist in community and world evolve. Every mate this author has met so far has felt used when they discover that they were chosen for their ability to contribute to the local and larger communities. And now the author is older and less attractive than he was as a youth.

Most women feel used when they discover the slope which sex can take toward routineness. Men take women for granted when their needs are met. This is in spite of the fact that they are equal in responsibility for the tendency to lean toward convenience sexually. But imagine what women feel when they discover that they have been objectively chosen as this author's mate, for their specific skills with computers, music, art and confidence in public. It doesn't matter that this author is completely up front about this and usually incorporates it into the wooing process in text, song and verbally. It always becomes the source of great resentment and that resentment is always cloaked in a list of complaints and insults which lose their validity when they constantly change, and when the women denies that she made the comments at a later time. This author is older now and the odds of meeting the spouse of his specifications is waning, but sex and hope have not died and he knows they have not died in most individuals. He is looking for another real life paradigm shifter like himself.

With this document this author is attempting to assist the human population with tempting rewards and guidelines for sex. Someone else will contribute their information and the process will never end. That is, unless we continue to be as unproductive as a species, with regards to answering the catastrophic questions caused by overpopulation, environmental disasters, communicable disease and religious violence. This author is not suggesting that we all have sex and the dangerous issues will cease. He is stating emphatically that the majority of the earths population is unaware of life's fragility and that it will require an incentive as fundamental as the urge to reproduce to assist us in dragging the sleeping billions out of their daily survival routines and into the alert level of earth citizenship which is necessary for our species to survive and thrive.

In short, this author is suggesting that generous, healthy and variety filled sexual relationships must be used by forward thinking males and females to coax each other into consistent improvements like the following:
environmentally friendly
individually motivated with our education and productivity habits
honest and direct in our communications
involved in our community
creative and optimistic with our innovations

This author is suggesting that if you communicate to your family and community about sex in a modest and responsible way we can have our thirty minutes every day and a few hours on the weekends and holidays of truly satisfying and dependable simultaneous and alternating stimulation. This will lead to a world where everyone is caring for their portion of the responsibility, and no one is tempted to isolate themselves in self destructive revenge for their self inflicted loneliness.

Even in countries where we have attempted broad communication about sexuality in the entertainment mediums and culture, we have continued to see a half of a century of sex based crime and over fifty percent divorce rate. So the subject is not being addressed as objectively as it needs to be, even in the "Sex Obsessed" countries. We need to communicate in a way that male and female needs and desires are actually met. The following sexual suggestions will be considered pornographic or at least unfamiliar to individuals who have given up their sexual fantasies to a fundamentalist religion or given up their sexual options to work, drugs or, ironically even to sex addictions. Those who have given up their fantasies to the oppression of poverty and/or the lose of their civil rights, will consider these ideas painfully out of reach. Individuals who live with a lack of personal hygiene or physical fitness will also feel helplessness to access the following kind of trust based sexuality. Click here to hear a song about relationships.

About half of the people who read this will think the ideas addressed are obvious, and will wonder why it had to be written down. For those individuals, just keep enjoying life in your precious private time. This author wishes your private life were on display as an example for the other half of the population. But historically, it is the nature of sex to be private and so good habits are extinguished with the death of each diligent experimental couple who enjoyed a beautiful sex life together.

Teachers know how one student, whose parents did not set limits, can lower the productivity of an entire class by more than half. This is the same way that the world is being dragged into irreparable danger by the numbers of individuals born to uneducated and/or immature parents. We can not afford to isolate millions of destructive individuals who lash out for a piece of the pie with their dangerously powerful uneducated human brains and strong bodies. If anyone can suggest a more powerful incentive than sex to attract these dangerous millions to educate themselves to become productive world citizens, please communicate it widely with all your resources.

As this author has mentioned there are a great many individuals who are well practiced in sexual variety and who lead motivated lives with their mates. For them it is important to remember that even those sexual behaviors with which we feel most familiar and skilled, there are none which can not be improved by applying our full attention during the performance of sex and/or by continually learning from others.

It is hoped that individual’s reading this have had or will have a first sexual experience which is a positive one. A bad first experience can color his or her sex life for years, especially if it results in an unexpected pregnancy and the lifetime of responsibility which that entails. For the purposes of this paper we will assume that the reader is well adjusted. That is to say that they are not addicted to or overly influenced by pornography, that they were not molested as children and that violence has not become associated with sex in their lives. We will assume that any readers who were once plagued by these terrible issues have been successfully treated and/or are managing them by their own study and practice or the influence of a well trained doctor of psychology.

It is also hoped that any individuals reading this have not succumbed to the common tendency to test to see if they can have more than one mate at a time or to see if they can get what they want through domination or bossiness. These destructive tendencies are the reasons that most relationships fail. It is easy to understand why an individual would want to test to see if they can just take what they want without communicating and demonstrating their personality. But it is not logical to force your will on anyone when trust is so necessary to maintain a relationship.

If you are not having your needs met, first communicate them very clearly. Then your potential mate will have the choice of pleasing you or moving on. It is very confusing for males and females when there is so much information about instant sex and so many popular examples of sex on the first date, but that choice comes with many risks and only rarely works in anyone's favor over time. Ask any celebrity who has had many one night stands if they are happy with their memories. They will have many exciting stories, but they will always come to their wish for creating and being part of a well adjusted family. On the other hand, we certainly can't marry the first individuals we meet and an enormous number of life lessons have to be learned from boyfriend girlfriend relationships. But even early sexual relationships can be absolutely void of the possibility of pregnancy and/or STDs, when individuals are knowledgeable enough to be unashamed of manual, body rubbing or oral stimulation practiced privately or with your girlfriend or boyfriend.

APPROPRIATE COMMUNICATION IS THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING

Females may think they will increase their chances to be with some guy, she might not usually have access to, if she has sex sooner in a relationship. Males may think, and even say, that they have had sex when they have not. Other anxious males want to believe that everyone is having more sex than they are. False concepts like these can cause males and females to become more aggressive and careless. The truth about sex is that most good first sexual experiences have been preceded with long conversations, some good food and hopefully getting to know the other people in each other's lives.

Communication is the answer to everything! Communication is your most valuable tool and the most important one this author is advocating to you toward your goal of getting everything you want and need.

It is also hoped that any women reading this have not succumbed to the common tendency to test their value in their relationships by withholding some of the things that the man loves most. This is a destructive tendency and is another one of the important reasons that committed relationships fail. Married women or women with children fall into this trap most often. It is easy to understand why an individual would want to test to see if they are being used for something that our mate likes, but it is not logical to withhold the very things that our mate most loves just because of her own insecurity. If you feel you are being used, let your mate know what you like so that he or she can return the favor with equal enthusiasm and frequency as you provide what he or she enjoys.

You may recognize the following scenario which exemplifies one of many common methods of testing with sex avoidance. Many women display some ambiguous or subtle sexual suggestiveness. When the male doesn't recognize the display she plays a repeated cognitive sentence in her thoughts such as, "He doesn't deserve to have sex if he can't read the obvious signals I give him." If he does brake through the humiliating sexless routine and attempt to initiate sex she will often act like he is an idiot for misreading her "loving" behavior. So there is no way for him to be happy with her. Often it takes years for the male to figure out this marriage killing catch twenty-two and the couple may tragically never learn to actually enjoy noncompetitive trust based sex. Out of frustration the male may find himself suggesting extreme sex acts to let her see that the regular things that he really wants (more frequently) aren't bad at all. She then may think that he really wants those extreme sex acts he suggested out of frustration. Finally she will consent to unsatisfactory sex out of guilt when enough time passes. Often they will do the routine sex behavior or awkwardly use some toy or role which neither really want to incorporate into their habits.

Examples are that most guys are not really interested in women having sex together. It is just a fluke of popular culture that the relatively disease safe girl on girl concept was acceptable as an international comedic topic and thus spread way beyond men's actual interest in it. Now the irony is that young women practice girl on girl flirting and actual sex to match the unintended societal pressure, when most women's actual goal is to attract a male life mate. Sometimes comfort is found in these relationships which are too inconvenient to undo and they never met a mate of the opposite sex. Another example of extreme frustration leading to unintended habits is when individuals charged with the training of children use their influence to control impressionable kids sexually. Society suspects and is vigilant to male teachers and clergy sexually abusing children in the past forty years, but in the recent twenty years, surprising numbers of frustrated women have fallen into the cruel temptation to vengefully lash out at their previous lovers by manipulating or controlling immature students and parishioners sexually. If there is any more obvious emergency world beacon than the fact that women, the symbols of nurturing, are preying on their students and children, then this author is not aware of it. Sexual education has to reach everyone including adults who consider themselves confident in their developed state but our roles have to be clearly understood and we have to ethically allow the young to develop and enjoy their innocence without manipulation by wounded adults.

This author played music with a young vietnamese woman who never dated. When asked why she remained single, she told how her uncle came into her room for years and had sex with her, beginning when she was eight years old and ending when she was twelve. When she finally stopped believing her uncle's stories about how no body talks about sexy things, her Mother was horrified and the uncle was removed from her life. The girl was understandably confused about her secret, advanced and pleasant sexual experience because of the humiliating and family destroying experience she now associated with it. She went on to describe to this author that, in recent years, she napped with female, age appropriate employees, at her family's restaurant. Her descriptions of being able to smell her female work mate laying near her led to intimate conversations, touching and then sexual meetings elsewhere. When this author asked if she associated her abused childhood sexual experiences with her present exclusive interest in same sex partners she said, "I'm not going to learn sex over again." It seemed to this author that this beautiful girl was making an important choice based on bad first experiences and the inconvenience of practicing valuable reproductive requirements which our species needs to survive. If this highly intelligent girl concluded that she would not have sex with a traditional partner, because she remembered such unhappiness, what hope do the poorly educated majority have of contributing mature and educated world citizens to the world that needs well adjusted attendance?

This author suggests that communication of hopeful and wholesome sexual variety is the answer. People can't help themselves from wanting sex and so they will practice learning sex even if they haven't practiced learning anything valuable for generations. Change and learning are possible with sex as the carrot dangling in front of them. When they are rewarded with the obvious benefits of hopeful and variety filled wholesome and trust based sex, they will continue to learn other skills in order to increase and maintain the benefits of that level of intimacy and communication.

A woman can begin the education and communication in her husband and wife team or her boyfriend and girlfriend team by consenting to every implication that the man wants sex, because more sex equals more practice with sex and more appropriate practice with sex always leads to improvements. She should let her mate discover for him self how much is too much. You have many parts of your body with which to pleasure each other and none of them will wear out with regular daily use. So alternate the using of your various body parts to please each other. Certainly this has to be balanced with safety and the laws of the land. The less experienced the male is, the more likely he is to be overwhelmed with excitement when he realizes he has access to the "holy grail" of sex. The female will always seem unreasonable to an inexperienced male from the first time he gets his hand in her pants and his grades immediately drop for a six weeks due to his staying up most nights on the phone attempting every possible manipulation to get more. This author has heard extreme examples of immature male attempts to get more, which inexperienced women recounted as some of their most romantic moments. The desperate attempts range from the use of religious mythology to vampire worship. Most inexperienced guys attempt to use their local religion by saying that their feelings are so powerful that their god had to have brought them together. Similarly, a popular science fiction story has become very successful as a mixed up excuse context for young kids to exchange fluids. Many of the dedicated vampires found on daytime talk shows got their start when an inexperienced Goth girl used vampirism as a rational for oral sex and the unlucky guy took to the study of everything they could find in the internet about vampirism. Luckily this authors early sexual success in exchange for religious paintings was thwarted by the relatively objective book, "Everything you always wanted to know about sex, but were afraid to ask." If my first real girlfriend hadn't read that book to me I might be one of those predator priests by now. To confuse the issue even further, there are even legitimate looking "sex tips" video programs on the internet in which inexperienced males can create a fairly large culture of like believers in their dangerously narrow view of dating and intimacy.

If the woman is capable of leading the sex stoned male to a safe and legal location to start the necessary bonding and mutual experimentation, she still needs to have the where with all to control her own inner habits and/or sexual limitations. Much rests on the shoulders of women with inexperienced males and there are enormous consequences for those who come to the task with family baggage or who are lacking in experience themselves. The most common test to see if you are unconsciously neglecting your mates needs is if he keeps pornography or acquires new pornography. If he has to masturbate at all you have convinced him that you are not going to please him as much as he would like you to. No matter how simple or complex the explanation you give to yourself or him, if he masturbates you are not making it easy enough for him to share his daily needs for quick orgasms or his daily penis stimulation without orgasm. He stimulated himself all the time before you came along, and though masturbation habits take a little time and practice to be replaced by team sex, he is going to be very willing to do so at first. The temptation to fall into routines, or to set self destructive limits have to be caught early or additional bad habits will confound your team goals.

Most inexperienced women find out early in the relationship that it is easy to embarrass their inexperienced mate about some aspect of sex. Most women inadvertently enjoy the power and use subtle embarrassment to stop their man from more behaviors than either of them want to stop. That can continue until they reach menopause when they often have a sudden realization that they chose power over mutual stimulation and trust. She will then want him to be more assertive and often embarrass him for his lack of creativity and neither the man or the woman can usually unravel the subtle psychological complexity that led to their boring sexual life.

This book will provide plenty of information about how a couple, that trust each other, can safely discover how often they really want sex, with and without foreplay, and always being sure their mate is satisfied.

The feeling of power is very important to many people especially if one of their parent's was dominating. Antique sexual literature is filled with men and women controlling each other in various ways. The Kama Sutra is very seductive because of its' sexually explicit illustrations but anyone who has read the text is very unsatisfied unless they are excited by psychologically unhealthy sexual manipulation. The Kama Sutra is all about controlling your mate with sex and, by the way, it also speaks badly of oral sex.

Sometimes women can use their controlling tendency in the favor of their mate as they practice the unhealthy aspects of domination out of their habits over time. A long term tool that the woman has at her control is to progressively introduce a sequence of sexual body surfaces. Sexy communications and successive body locations for sex will keep your mate motivated. This plan is only valuable to women who's partners begin the relationship inexperienced with sex. A woman can maintain their man's true interest for decades if she introduces manual, oral, vaginal and then anal over a long period of time. That is not to say that she can not accomplish the same goal by providing all of her body at once and keeping it interesting by meeting her mate's safe personal fantasies, such as continually adding new sexual banter and "fooling around" in different geographical locations. But a progression of body locations can make a man feel he is part of something that is growing and he can be stimulated to grow in kind.

As mentioned before, the death of sex comes from bossy behavior. Even subtle bossiness by either partner leads inevitably to dominant and submissive roles, which feed on themselves to unpleasant or even dangerous extremes. Communicate to your dominating mate that you can’t participate as often, enthusiastically or lovingly with sex when you feel that your gifts are being taken from you rather than gratefully enjoyed. Let him or her know that when he or she is not acting bossy, you want to give sex all the time. Say it clearly. Your mate may not be able to read your thoughts, especially early in the relationship. Giving him lots of non bossy sex can quickly reward and train a mate who has developed his or her fantasies with unrealistic pornography or previous bad relationships. Be generous with sex under that one condition (no bossiness) and your mate will become generous and enthusiastic for your sex presents. Tell him or her to find the pleasure in their nerve endings being stimulated rather than controlling gestures or submissive acts.

If your mate is discovered to require domination, he or she has previous experiences which will ruin your relationship in the long run. She or he will be driven to find someone with a need to dominate. Someone who needs to be dominated will find or subtly train you to dominate them over time, and will not be satisfied till something terrible happens. One of the most common examples of domination/submission issues, which are crippling families and the court system, is when spouses and employers accuse or imply that their spouses or employees are sexually abusers or that they suspect sexual abuse. The charge or implication of sexual abuse is so emotional that marriages, careers and children's lives are crippled or ruined before the truth comes to light, if it ever comes to light. Someone who needs to be dominated or to dominate can waste millions of dollars of community resources for no purpose they make false implications or charges of sexual abuse.

On the other hand many of the more subtle or confusing and control based limitations to sex come from sexual conflicts which didn't seem worth the effort of resolving at the time. The couple may stay together out of convenience, remaining unsatisfied and blaming each other silently as long as they can stand it. This is very similar to the reason that individuals have and even defend the horrible role they play in the relationships with their children or other family members. They can never stop thinking of the consequences they imagine they are dutifully imposing on their family members. When they need to constantly let their family members know how much they love them. The result is that the family members think that they are unloved they become what unloved individuals become, isolated and cruel.

Young females display domination in a variety of ways when they discover to what lengths an inexperienced male will go for sex. Some common examples of young female dominance are usually associated with payback for sex. An example is that the girl will feel justified to be angry, pouting or controlling before or after sex and this will become part of her personality over time. Another example is that she might unconsciously situate her body so the male has to position himself in awkward ways to access her openings, sometimes even harming himself physically. Or she can involve the male in pointless circular arguments that he will inadvertently reward and cement into the female's habits by tolerating from her as a prelude to sex.

Inexperienced males will do almost anything to have sex, including telling overweigh girls that they could be models, telling lonely girls that they love them or using the local religion to convince the girl that they came to this point for holy purposes. This kind of behavior can have a lasting affect on the male and the female. The female can develop a list of requirements for future sexual partners in which experienced males will not participate, thus leaving the female alone or retraining inexperienced men in her ridiculous pre sex rituals. The inexperienced males can come to think that all women have the same pointless requirements and ruin future relationships due to that expectation.

Confident and competent mates get and give pleasure from nerve ending stimulation and clever roles, and not from controlling individuals who have been psychologically crippled by previous relationships. When an individual discovers that a potential mate requires aggression he or she should get out of the relationship unless he or she is a trained professional in the field of psychology and specialized in sexual dysfunction.

There is a relatively short period in a lifetime relationship before you decide to have kids or become life mates and for that short time your sex palette can be trained to be one of the magnets that draw you and your partner through all the later hardships of life. There is no reason to limit each other from sex between two individuals with clean healthy bodies. On the contrary we need to create as many opportunities for sex and sexual variety as possible to create a bond to get us through the harder times. We also have to develop skills with a variety of sexual behaviors because some may become limited to us, if we become less healthy over time.

If you have been with your mate any length of time, you have made many silent, instantaneous and sometimes anger based agreements. These are kept in our daily habits along with all the objectively thought out agreements we have made. Because it is our nature to become more simplified and efficient to survive, many of the hasty agreements we make with our mates relieve us of responsibilities. Some of the responsibilities we may have inadvertently agreed to may end our relationship if we are not careful. It is our responsibility to cleverly and aggressively find the hidden goals and pleasures of our mate. They are all still there, in our thoughts, as full of potential as they were when you first met.

Think about it. If your mate said that he or she would be filled with excitement if you would enthusiastically and privately do something nonsexual and as simple as squash empty soda cans in the garage for five to thirty minutes a day, you could find time to do it together. So if your sweetheart wants to start a business or have a different kind of quickie sex each day, you are the only one who should believe in your mate and provide for their wishes.

This author's Grandmother wished, shortly before she died, that she had tried dying her husband's hair as he had sometimes wished. She realized after he was gone that it would not have been any trouble to try using dye on his old head. And if he didn't like it, it still would have been a fun and intimate thing to do together.

Having sex with your hands is a relatively safe place to start a sexual relationship. A practical couple could stimulate each other to as many orgasms as they liked while waiting for the government suggested six months of HIV tests (3 times) before they exchange bodily fluid. It is not a small thing to get a new couple through an otherwise unsatisfying or risky contemporary courtship with its sexually transmittable disease (STD) limitations. Many teen pregnancies are caused in part by the false assumption that they will be looked down on or they will not satisfy their mate with manual sex. The fact is that if you can't trust your new mate from bragging about sex, you should not be stimulating them sexually anyway. If they speak badly of you or to you about only having manual sex, get out of the relationship and be glad you didn't risk pregnancy or exchanging STD's with someone that immature. Also, if you make your new mate have a manual orgasm they will give you a break from the pressure to have other kinds of sex. If a braggart male tells others that you made him have an orgasm with your hand the damage is minimal especially if you answer each jealous mocking calmly, that "I thought he was my man but he is just a bragging boy."

Manual sex is also very valuable in instructing partners about each other’s bodies and how they personally need to be stimulated to have orgasms. A pleasant and unobstructed orgasm is almost always the goal of both partners in any sex act. The only time it is not the goal is when your partner lets you know they want to save the orgasm for another time. This should always be the receiver’s choice. If you are both trying to have an orgasm at the same time, one partner usually becomes the receiver at the precise moment of orgasm which is seldom exactly at the same time.

It is not useless to attempt simultaneous orgasms but that goal must not be allowed to interfere with the majority of precious alternating moments. Even when orgasms come very close together his and hers should be attended to by the partner with their full attention and enthusiasm.

Manual sex involves a variety of rhythmic movements and touching with the hands on the most sensitive parts of the genitals. Most of the time the touching starts elsewhere and builds to the ejaculation. But often one gets right to the genitals if time is not on your side. In most cases testosterone driven men need quick servicing more often than estrogen driven women but there are exceptions. This author met the daughter of an art teacher who had no misgivings about rubbing her genitals on my leg to have an orgasm when she discovered that I was not prepared for any sex act which involved exchanging fluids yet. I was surprised by her boldness at the time but I have always considered that event as one of the most intimate moments I ever shared with a first time sexual partner.

When participating in manual sex, lubrication is helpful. This is especially so if you are located where clean up is easy. Some clean up is always going to be necessary for the man's orgasm anyway. Even if the partners are not to the level in their relationship of exchanging bodily fluids yet, the female will want to catch the ejaculation with the other hand when she sees her mate is about to have an orgasm. It’s not hygienic to allow the ejaculation to launch just anywhere.

The whole manual process can be sped up greatly for the female’s comfort if the female will perform this task often enough that the male will not be tempted to withhold his orgasm. This is also worsened when the penis becomes numbed by the extra stroking. If he gets this treat rarely, there will be a tendency for the male to want to stretch out the experience and then it is equally the woman's fault when her arm gets tired.

Another obstacle to orgasm has to do with the roughness with which individuals give themselves orgasms privately. If a male or a female is very forceful when masturbating themselves instead of artistically coaxing their private orgasms they accidentally make it much harder on their future sexual partners who take over the job. It is well documented that individuals can cause themselves to associate violence or anger with sex if they fantasize or watch videos about violent or angry sex acts while they masturbate. The same is true with the force or vigor an individual uses to make themselves have orgasms. Your partner will be required to generate the same intensity when he or she attempts to take over the loving responsibility of sex. A strong male can inadvertently make their orgasms an athletic event over time. This author had a 45 year old sexual partner who required vigorous rubbing of her clitoris for an extended period of time which was clearly caused by her isolation and made it impossible to give her an orgasm orally or with the penis. This would have changed over time as she came to depend on creative finesse, but the relationship didn't last that long. The lesson here is that we all have a responsibility to our future sex partners, to shape the way we touch ourselves and to control the things we think about when we make ourselves have orgasms.

It is worth repeating that, what we think about when we pleasure ourselves can completely shape our next sexual relationship when we do find a partner. If an individual can fantasize about past partners without feeling angry, if a person looks at non violent, age appropriate images of attractive individuals of the opposite sex or if we imagine ideal sexual situations in a futuristic imaginary world like this author does, we can satisfy ourselves and contribute to the next relationship at the same time. This author has searched the internet around twice a year and found that there is very little illegal content but there is plenty which could be very dangerous if used for self stimulation. It seems so easy to state that people should fantasize about naturally erotic images and concepts when they masturbate so they will be trustworthy when they meet a real partner. But in the same way that we are surrounded by dangerously attractive food; dangerous pornography can disappoint your future mates at the most potentially beautiful moments. This author's first erotic thoughts were about his baby sitters and teachers so it can be tempting to fantasize about older females with younger males but even this scenario can be taken to an extreme which would be unhelpful to the next relationship with a trusting woman. So even individuals who were lucky enough to have a healthy childhood development can become distracted from sex lives which could be most sustainable and constructive. Imagine the confusing temptations of a woman who was even subtly manipulated or abused by their first boyfriend or any Viacom of child abuse. Our fantasy become intended or unintended goals, and goals are extremely powerful tools of self destruction or positive self actualization.

Another way to speed up, increase the pleasure of manual sex and make it more special for the man is to call attention to the reality of the situation with agreed upon slang words and gestures. If the female will use the slang terms that the male first used with his buddies in younger sex talk and jokes, it can set a truly valuable mood for the male. If the female will coax out the ejaculation with a variety of enthusiastic requests for him to “cum for me”, she will shorten the length of time she will need to pump the length of his penis with energetic and loving strokes. It is a cruel irony that most couples miss this opportunity to stimulate each other with sound because of the communication challenge which is required to launch beautiful audio stimulation into their relationship. The female may attempt it once and embarrass the male because he is overly excited or because she didn't find out exactly what words and sounds do it for him. Many women get the wrong idea about sounds from movies like, When Harry met Sally or the new The Stedford Wives.

If the male tries to use words and sounds he may use terms which the female considers demeaning or he may not find out what she wants as she changes over time. The initial attempts require tolerant experimentation, which is very exciting when trusting partners playfully participate, but it also has a volatile potential. That is the way it is with anything that is extremely rewarding.

Non bossy and evocative comments should be spoken with a wholesome humility and could include sentences such as the following. “Let’s get that dick out where I can give you some attention.” Or “Let me see your dick. I want to jack you off.” Or “Here’s some hand pussy for your pleasure. Do you want to look at me naked or leave my work cloths on while I get you off?” Slang helps the male’s stimulation as much as words of commitment and woo stimulate some women. But we'll discuss women shortly.

It is important that the female does not to touch the head of the penis in the moments before, during and for some moments after the male ejaculates due to the hypersensitivity of the head during and after orgasm. It feels best to create the feeling of depth before and after orgasm by gently stroking the base of the penis and then milking out the remainder of the sperm by squeezing and pulling gently toward the head. Soothing words are often valuable at that time, such as, “Does that feel better?” “How was that?” If the female has caught the ejaculation in her other hand it can be easily wiped on blue jeans or his under ware. If you have reached the tested and trusting level of your relationship, it is one of the most exciting things a woman can do to catch the ejaculation in her mouth and swallow it. If you are really comfortable with each other, let your mate see how much you caught on your tongue before you swallow. This is a rare opportunity because most oral orgasms occur with the head of the penis in the mouth and the female will automatically swallow the ejaculation before she has time to save it for viewing. Manual ejaculations on the other hand can be caught for the purpose of display, and when a couple is comfortable with this practice they can be confident that they have a very trusting relationship.

If you don’t trust your mate enough to have variety in sex then you should not be having sex with that person. Trust has to come first. Trust = Love.

Most of women's orgasms have come from manual or oral sex in this author's experience. So at the beginning of a relationship and for convenience in a variety of locations manual tends to be the most common method of meeting the needs of a female. For the female, some good mood altering words companied with kissing and touching can decrease the amount of time it takes to bring her to orgasm. As with the male, it is absolutely necessary to discover the words that mean the most to the individual receiving them. Silence is better than words that don’t work for her, so take care and get it right. Many individuals expect their mates to read their thoughts with regards to this matter. Those individuals go mostly unsatisfied because it is often somewhat embarrassing for the male or the female to expose the terms that please them the most. Even sharing this book with your mate requires enormous trust. To further complicate the issue of sex talk, the terms should be plentiful so they can be alternated, mixed and matched to give them new life over a lifetime. It is worth the effort.

Even if you do not discover certain words that excite your mate until fifty years into your relationship, do not miss opportunities for their use just because of the time it took to discover them. Most women want to hear words of commitment and adoration if they want to hear anything at all. The man can say, “You are my treasure and I’m going to take care of you as long as you want me to.” He can say, “It’s easy to please someone with such pleasant parts.” Of course you don’t lie to an woman if that part of her body was involved is some disfiguring accident but all of us have our belief somewhat suspended when our nerve endings are being stimulated and men can feel free to make their mate feel pleasantly flattered.

One of this author's partners wanted to hear sentences which described our future together when we had sex. Anyone would think that it was a turn off to have agreed ahead of time that my words, during sex, were for stimulation purposes only and that I would not be held to them as promises of a future together. But that was not the case. This woman clearly went into a trance when this author stated things like, "It's nice to know that we have someone to keep us happy forever.", "I love you and I can see us in a comfortable house, sneaking off from the kids and the baby sitter to pleasure each other like this.", "I'm so lucky to have finally found you.", "I will never let you down." It is still amazing to me what a sexual stimulant that kind of talk was for her after I had gone so far overboard making sure that she understood that I didn't really know what our future was together but that I enjoyed the stimulation and comfort of that fantasy during sex too.

Even if time is an issue, and in the most awkward locations the male can reach the woman's neck and breasts for kissing and touching if she is already stimulated. But when there is time and when the sex act is focused on her, the male should expect to spend the evening or even the whole day building up to her orgasms. When he does finally have his hand on her genitals he will usually touch the surrounding area for a while before focusing in on the clitoris above the entrance of the vagina. He will want to focus attention on that sensitive area on and off for a while and build up to some penetration of the opening with the fingers as the area lubricates itself. This can be accomplished in a few minutes when time is an issue for over a period of many hours if the environment is interesting, and or the banter creates a dream world of it's own.

If the sex act is being performed where clean up is possible a tube of genital lubricant can be luxurious for the female. Use only lubricants which are designed for sex like KY jelly because regular skin lotions can be harmful if they enter the body. As the female becomes more relaxed and hopefully responsive she can politely describe where and how she wants to be stimulated or she can depend on the male's experience to guide him. Her descriptions will seem bossy to a man or woman who is insecure but trusting couples enjoy learning from and about each other. As she gets closer to an orgasm her movements become less voluntary and with many women they may automatically use their hands to guide the males hand in a gradually quicker and directed rhythm.

A finger tip usually needs to be directly touching or moving along side the clitoris to evoke an orgasm. An indicator that she is having an orgasm is a series of genital spasms and a thin layer of perspiration on the skin that dries almost instantly. Her highly sensitized clitoris becomes uncomfortable to touch directly for a short time. In most cases the female wants to be penetrated with the fingers during or shortly after a manually generated orgasm. While the clitoris is too sensitive to touch the male can carefully touch the surrounding area and build up to touching it again. He can cause the female to have more orgasms continually over a period of ten to thirty minutes after the first orgasm. Multiple orgasms require careful but shorter build-ups for each one. This author’s record number was fourteen of my girlfriend's orgasms on a lazy Sunday and they were all accomplished with oral stimulation.

On the other hand, this author has made profound a error in a relationship by neglecting a woman's orgasms who might have been a life partner, but who gave up on the relationship relatively quickly because her needs were not met. Only after it was too late did the author realize how he had left out such an important part of the relationship, even after knowing better. That makes it worse. This author knew what to do but was caught up into other aspects of the relationship and the poor woman must have though that she was unappealing to me. It's a cruel mistake for both parties to live with, when there is time to look back on it. This author did communicate after the fact that he was really attracted to her in that way but the damage to the relationship must have been too great or she found some more generous person to share her life. Clearly there are many lessons to be learned here.

If sex partners are past the STD testing period, the female greatly appreciates generous kissing and licking of her genitals after an orgasm as long as the clitoris is not touched directly for a minute or so.

This author must apologize that the sections of this book are not as long about meeting women's needs, but we have to include only as much as we know. This author is a man and knows more about meeting his needs and hopes. This honest information will be useful to women.

Oral sex is not safe until after the STD testing portion of a relationship is passed. Bodily fluids are almost always exchanged no matter what precautions are taken during oral sex. Exchanging fluids is critical to the act of satisfying oral sex. So if this is not appealing to an individual he or she should find someone else who feels the same way and avoid this sex act all together because it is more cruel than most torture to begin a relationship by implying that you may grow to like oral sex and then never meet your mates needs. Communicate this carefully with a potential mate because this author has a family member who is not satisfied orally by his wife but stays with her out of a kind loyalty that this author would never tolerate. This author has tolerated years of productive but lonely privacy between relationships rather than participate in sexually frustrating ones.

Oral sex brings up an important point about the understandings between sexual partners. It often occurs that a male or most often a female will make an off the cuff comment such as, “We don’t need to do that because our sex is so good.” or “I satisfy you with what I do don’t I?” In the heat of a relatively satisfying moment an accommodating male may agree with a nod and find that his knee jerk agreement may end the possibility of sexual variety for years to come. This kind of obstruction to sexual happiness can be the product of generations of poor communication.

Here is an example. A highly responsible and educated woman who was an interpreter at the Bay of Pigs had to sublimate her inelegance and competencies to a less educated husband. Her daughters and son witnessed years of her submitting to her husbands macho ways. As a result, two of her daughters never wanted to be trapped like their Mother and found ways to negotiate and deceive their way out of having children or sexual variety with their husbands. These woman found accommodating and polite husbands who tolerate the circular arguments. The women even found ways to mildly or neglectfully promote personal habits of their husbands (drinking, expensive nesting, male feminine behavior, workaholics, poor hygiene and or poor fitness) which are then then used as excuses for less sex. The son in the family learned from witnessing the macho father as well. He was so childish in his response to his wife's pregnancy that he will not change diapers and the child is carted off to other sexually cold sisters as often as possible.

Males, who are satisfied without oral sex, will not provide the female with much variety in sex or in life. They will not challenge the female to excel in other aspects of life. It is worth practicing oral sex in your fantasies because any well adjusted male will expect it sooner or later and fantasizing is step one.

For most hygienic individuals exchanging fluids is one of the incidentally beautiful parts oral sex. After all it is ORAL SEX. Mouths come in contact with each other’s private parts. Going to bed without bathing should never be allowed. People get stinky and covered with deodorant, dust, pollution and pollen during the day. So clean up inside and out before you get close to each other. Males or females who have stained under ware should certainly not expect to receive oral sex. Stained under ware indicates that the owner does not know how to clean him or herself properly or that he or she is ill.

Partners must be physically fit enough that the body parts they want to have orally manipulated should be appealing to their mate. The male must certainly be fit enough to make it appealing for the female to put her mouth on his penis and it is valuable to know that over-eating is one of the behaviors which, if allowed to become our life's passion, limits our ability to have other passions in life. In the same way that an addictive drug like alcohol or heroin excludes all other passions over time, easily accessible pleasure foods change our bodies and there fore change our sexual expectations. Food can easily become our only pleasure excluding all others if we are not assertive, patient and persistent through the lonely times.

Most of the time oral sex is a present one partner gives to the other in turn. It will often be shared at the same time but one individual usually has an orgasm and then receives the same treatment right after or at a later time. But there are few times in life where two individuals can release each other from the responsibilities of the world better than when they are licking and nursing each other’s most sensitive nerve endings at the same time. Time can pass unnoticed when you are intoxicated by mutual oral sex.

One of the important benefits of oral sex is the variety it can bring to a relationship. This is partly due to the convenience with which a clever female can perform it in a variety of locations. This can bring much enthusiasm from the male even in times of hardship. She can sit on the couch and nurse out an orgasm as he stands in front of her, she can lay on her back in bed and ask him to arch himself over her and carefully copulate straight down into her mouth or they can pull over safely to the side of the road and he kneels on the seat while she services him with gentle smacking sounds. Orally stimulated female orgasms can happen in a variety of locations too, but remote female orgasms are usually accomplished manually with the same resulting gratefulness. For now we are talking about fellatio.

There are two basic kinds of oral sex provided by the female. They are copulation, which is passive oral sex, and nursing which is active oral sex. Both are needed to supply the variety a long-term relationship requires but both require some communicated understandings if they are to be completely satisfying for both partners. The male has to extinguish old domination gestures and comments he may have acquired from pornography or past relationships. The female has to develop some specific skills as well.

It is very hard for the male to have an orgasm if the female's teeth touch his penis during oral sex. Sadly, most women allow their teeth to touch their first husband's penis and often their second husband. Most men will even injure their penis as they endure the pain just to get to see their partner perform oral sex on them. That is just how appealing oral sex is visually or conceptually. Men can even permanently damage their nerve endings waiting for their wives to learn to perform oral sex without touching their teeth to his penis. If they have a third husband or partner most women mysteriously discover how to make oral sex pleasurable, or they settle for an individual who does not require oral sex. It was not until this author was married late in life and after many satisfying sexual partners that he discovered how the contract of marriage can strip a woman of the motivation to learn this skill. This author's ex wife didn't take it upon herself to make fellatio consistently tooth free. It is hoped that she has learned for her own sake and the sake of her mate.

Unmarried, sexually active women learn to enjoy oral sex much more quickly than married ones do. This author is very aware of the bad habits with which males persist, but we are addressing the issue of women giving oral sex right now. Females who learn this skill will have many less conflicts with their mate and much more leverage to solve his problems.

It is also true that a female who acts upset about having to perform oral sex can inadvertently lead the sexual relationship to the dominance/submission cycle that is the death of long term relationships. Women who learn to enjoy giving oral sex learn to love everything about it very quickly.

If the female finds herself coughing uncontrollably for months after childbirth or if she is given to any affliction, which interferes with her ability to perform orally, one might consider that the illness is of a somatic nature. This is a psychological issue which is recognizable and treatable. In the same way that approximately fifty percent of females make oral sex uncomfortable for their first mates, many also unconsciously develop illnesses or excuses, which will keep them from having to do something they could have more easily learned to love.

Any teacher knows how complicated a student's excuses and fake physical problems can develop over time, and how the students can involve their parents, administrators and other class members in their hoax. Students and sexually obstructive women come to believe their excuses and often develop true illnesses, which were born out of their persistently faked ones. If such an individual has good insurance she can also have a doctor stating that the illness is real. Many doctors in any fields of practice are unable to resist the temptation to be paid when an angry woman persists that her illness is real.

No matter how strong a person's feelings are for an individual, such as this author has just described, it is not worth continuing the relationship. Cut your loses and get out of the situation. Sometimes the person will learn from your leaving, but they will almost never learn for you. Even if you return after they have learned with someone else they will usually fall back into the old unsatisfying routine with you. And it is certainly not worth passing these kind of psychological problems on to another generation by having children with them.

Sexy Talk and Actions For Him

Other important parts of learning the skill of fellatio are enthusiasm, comments, momentum and gestures. His and her gestures of excitement and his comments that urge and tactfully direct her about what pleases him can be a huge part of the sex act. She will also be glad to hear what he wants when the information shortens the amount of time it takes to satisfy him when there is little time for love. If he is creative and careful he can stimulate himself during her performance of fellatio by using slang terms he associates with oral sex. It can stimulate the male to a great and quick orgasm if the female can allow herself to be stimulated by the male gratefully saying comments during the sex act such as, “You’re my precious dick sucker.” Or “Let me see your breasts while you suck on me.” Or, “Yes, do that again please and here it comes right now.” If he can't stop himself from becoming bossy or abusive then he is remembering inappropriate porn or bad relationships instead of enjoying the reality of the situation. Then you will need to use your anti bossy sentence described earlier. But, he has to be able to trust you to be objective about what is actually bossy as you are trusting him to be gratefully appreciative of your sexual gifts.

Clearly a female can’t make stimulating comments during oral sex but her gestures and sounds are very valuable to the male. When she nods a “Yes” gesture to the male’s comments, that nod during the sex act becomes very intimate and stimulating as he sees and feels his penis leveraging in her mouth. When she smacks her lips on his penis, the popping motion and sound are extremely stimulating. With a sound it calls attention to the fact of what she is doing for him. Smacking sounds are associated with pleasing the male orally in adult cartoons, jokes and in the male's fantasy. Why not find a comfortable way to make it real for him. He can revel in the fact that he is getting a "blow job" if his woman is smacking and cooing with her head moving in front of his groin.

One of your sexual goals as an orally creative woman is to do the things, which make it obvious that your mouth is on his penis or that any part of your body is giving pleasure to your man. It is always good to make the sounds, which call attention to any sex act that is happening. When the female sounds “MMMMMMMM” as she swallows his ejaculation it is exquisitely satisfying and reassuring for the male. The things she says preceding and following the sex act are also much appreciated by the male. If she initiates the sex act with slang, asking him slyly,“I'd like to eat some sperm if your into it.” “Let me suck your dick.” Or an inside joke, “I could sure use a snack about now.” it is very stimulating for him. If, after the orgasm, she shyly wipes her mouth and makes a comment of satisfaction in a job well done it is very satisfying to her man. She shouldn't be crude to be cleaver. She could say, “Thanks for the snack.” “That was a big one and good tasting too.” Or when he lets her know that he likes to see how much he ejaculated and if she didn't automatically swallow it, as usually happens, she can open her mouth and show her tongue in an attractive way to let him see the ejaculation before she swallows it. Then she could say something very personal and evocative like, “Was it as big of a load as it seemed?” The more variety she uses in her comments the tighter the bond she creates with her mate. Other comments could include, “I had to move too much that time, next time I’m just going to lay back and let you fuck me in the mouth.”

This brings up the difference between passive and active fellatio. The females comments before and after oral sex can set up her preference of which kind she would like to perform the next time or let him know how much she wants to participate this time. She could say, “Let me fuck myself in the mouth with your dick.” Or “Let me be your pussy mouth and I'll just lie here while you fuck your dick in my mouth.”

In any case fellatio requires that the male have an orgasm as quickly as possible so the woman doesn't get tired. It requires that he limit the depth of penetration to her comfort level. But it is also necessary that she become comfortable allowing the head into her mouth because the equivalent to the female's clitoris on a man is the area about an inch or so below the head and underneath his penis. That is the area, which must be stimulated for an orgasm to occur.

Valuable Male Afterglow

She must learn to keep the full head in her mouth, especially when the head is so hypersensitive during and shortly after he has an orgasm. In the same way that most women want to feel penetration of their vaginas immediately after an orgasm, men want the feeling of their penises penetrating as deep as possible after an orgasm. To accomplish this, the head must be touched as little as possible as she gently coaxes out the last drops of his ejaculation. If she presses her lips more tightly around his penis after he is done he can feel that feeling of depth and the feeling of being inside something. That feeling of clearly being inside something is what he wants to feel after an orgasm and if she needs to grip the penis with in her fist or pointer finger and thumb, at it's base to accomplish that satisfying feeling of depth, then she should do that. The moments after the orgasm are the most intoxicating and valuable to the woman as a bonding tool. When she can make her mate comfortable and satisfied in those moments she has extraordinary power in the relationship. Many males present a challenge at these crucial moments because of misguided guilt feelings acquired earlier in life. The woman can greatly improve her mate's life by gradually associating orgasms with pleasure or by directly stating something like, "Relax and enjoy it." "It's OK for you to cum."

She should wait with his penis as deep as she is comfortable for at least a minute or so while his spasms subside and as he calms himself and drains into her mouth. When the couple are comfortable looking into each others eyes after he is finished, that is a powerful indicator that you have a bond which will survive most obstacles.

Don't Throw Away Your Good Work By Pausing

Momentum is an important concept to successful oral sex for the man. The female can make her task much longer and more complicated by stopping the motions which produce the orgasm. If she gets her mate worked up and he is about to have an orgasm and she suddenly switches from a steady nursing motion to licking the head she will lose some or all the time she spent previous to that and have to begin again. She is usually unaware of this because inexperienced men would rather receive a long performance until he finally realizes why she gets tired and gives up before the orgasm. It is helpful to think of the momentum aspect of oral sex in terms of a thermometer. The mercury rises and if you are unconsciously afraid of the ejaculation you may switch from a satisfying hand pumping mouth smacking technique to an equally satisfying grinning into his eyes as you lick his testicles. As exciting and necessary as variety is at the beginning of the sex act, a consistent involving movement which creates the feeling of deeper gentle (or occasionally) enthusiastic pumping, is needed to cause his involuntary orgasm spasms to build to completion. If the female does need to rest of her mouth she can keep the momentum with her hand if she makes the pumping motions equally stimulating. In short, there is no replacement for loving, steady and usually gentle mouth movements. Subtle variations are helpful but try to do nothing that will distract your man from his psychological/physiological task of orgasm.

Swallow, For Goodness Sake

This author has taken it for granted that women know that swallowing the ejaculation is the only way to be comfortable enough with fellatio to make it completely satisfying for the male. Aside from the fact that the experienced male is flattered by the woman’s acceptance of his bodily fluid, she can never be a natural oral sex partner if she is waiting to defend herself from the gushing surprise. Her movements are always less than satisfying if she is concentrating on the avoidance of his ejaculation rather than concentrating on stimulating the nerve endings on his skin and creating the feeling or illusion of depth with her oral cavity and lips. He will not mind if the first ejaculations you swallow are immediately followed by a drink of something that you keep near you for that purpose. But you will find that after a very short time you will crave his fluid like a nursing calf. It also the quickens his orgasm if your facial expression looks like you are waiting expectantly for and you really want to eat his ejaculation. The female can assist greatly the males enjoyment by learning to really enjoy her partner’s ejaculations. Click here to listen to a song about this subject. It’s one of life’s tragedies that so many women use their influence or cleverness to avoid this satisfying part of sharing life with their man.

Stimulating variety such as this goes a long way to making a male feel that his mate is committed, especially if this kind of behavior draws the couple excitedly through the challenging child rearing years.

If the female does not want to have oral sex she should provide an alternate sex act. In the contemporary world it is cruel and unnecessary to limit your healthy mate sexually. There are few things that are more self destructive to a relationship or a woman’s personal growth than to create the guilt/brooding cycle that so many women use to escape from the behavior they could have easily have learned to love.

In the same way that poor parents cling to and defend their poor or negligent child rearing skills, a woman can spend her life secretly protecting herself from the most beautiful shared moments she could have had with her husband.

A long relationship will provide enough intimate moments for the female to use every single part of the her body to stimulate him to an orgasm. He can rub his penis between her feet, breasts, buttocks, shoulder blades, knees, armpits or directly on her face, nipples, neck, back, lips, hair, ears, or anywhere on her skin. But if she practices oral sex often and well, it can become an important bond that will keep the male form feeling trapped, especially after children are born into the family.

In summary oral sex for him should happen as often as she sees that he has an erection, even if it is just a prelude to other sex. His comments, hygiene and gestures must be absolutely without a hint of bossiness. He should enjoy the excitement of freeing and giving his penis to her knowing that she wants to satisfy him in this way. She should be as noisy as is comfortable for her. The couple should be comfortable enough to look into each other's eyes for at least part of the performance and it may be stimulating for him to see and or touch her breasts and/or naked body throughout the blow job. She may start with vigorous motion but quickly settle into loving gentle smacking with a grateful sound from her as she receives his ejaculation. It is a good habit to let him see how much you received by showing him in an attractive way. As she swallows she should make a satisfied sound. She should then lick off the dripping remainder with enthusiasm and suck gently to get any sperm that is left inside. Coy comments/gestures, descriptions of the amount she received and/or ideas about what she wants to do to improve are always appreciated before, after and secretly in public.

And finally, it is important for every woman to know why she should make a special effort to make their mate have an orgasm before they go out or have visitors for an evening together. When you have dressed up for any event it is very disappointing to tell your man that you don't want to muss yourself before you leave. You have made yourself look more attractive than usual and you both know that there are easy ways for you to please him without undressing. In fact it adds to the whole event to have you put your lipstick on again after your fancy self has given him the thrill he loves. Who else is going to dress up for him and give him a blow job. Only you. So please never miss this particular opportunity.

Oral Sex For Her

Oral sex for the female is an important gesture that can set up a system of communication and trust from the man to the woman, which is hard to accomplish any other way. When he can find the combination of spontaneous mouth movements and rhythms that the female needs to experience an orgasm, the couple learns to communicate in an intimate way that can carry over to and help them navigate through more complicated or stressful situations. Most contemporary males know that they need to make the female have an orgasm before they have their own orgasm because of the overwhelming tendency to relax or even sleep after he gets his. So it’s important for the couple to have initial anatomical communications (possibly before sex), in order for him to know what she likes, needs and wants. If you’re not comfortable letting him know what you want sexually then you should probably not be with this person. He cannot read your mind. Once you have diplomatically or cleverly taught him the basics he can improvise using the list that you supplied him. If you need to you can then pretend that he thought of it all himself.

She certainly has to know how to clean herself inside and out before he can enjoy kissing her vagina. She should use her fingers to spread and fill her vagina with water in the bathtub and gently brush away any accumulations on the inner walls and around the base of the cervix to accomplish it's cleaning. She will then fill and empty the vagina a few times to rinse it. No soap should be used inside.

This can be an important foreplay experience if the male does the bathtub vagina preparations. After all he has a vested interest in doing a good job of it.

Most females would be surprised to know how many men depend on kissing her vagina to get himself aroused for the rest of the sex event. That is why it is so frustrating if the female becomes too unfit for oral sex to be appealing for the man. The source of his sexual inspiration can become unrecognizable if she is overweight. The act of male stimulation with cunnilingus can be replaced with an alternate sex act, such as anal copulation or fellatio but she will be much more satisfied in the long run if she can find it within herself to maintain a fitness level which is conducive to him putting his mouth on her most private parts.

The temptation to over eat and to be sedentary is powerful and so is the tendency to rationalize the fat it produces. Weak males will say they like a fat woman if it causes him to have control over her. Weak women will say that they never liked cunnilingus if they have never had success controlling their eating or exercise. A common misconception which allows males and females to lower their expectations of the woman's fitness level is about the plump women from historical paintings. Even the quickest research into the backgrounds of the women who lived a lifestyle which allowed them to be artists models in almost any early historical period will cause us to avoid comparisons to them. The educated and physically fit women throughout history have been isolated by their families. The plump women who posed for most of the artwork of antiquity and right up to the victorian age were prostitutes or traded slaves and unaware of wholesome fitness.

To begin pleasing a female orally the male can start with kissing on the neck and breasts or sometimes go straight to nibble on the legs and tickle her into readiness. Females are raised to associate something of a theatrical event with sexual arousal because history is filled with worried parents who use fear and/or romantic ideals to keep their daughters from getting pregnant before they have the resources to care for a child. To meet this need that females have for a trance-like state of mind, the male needs to learn the sequence of thoughts that the female uses to achieve that state. It can be as simple as knowing that “this is what couples do”, or as complex as a ritual of religious concepts. When you know what is required for her to pour herself into sex you must decide if it is worth it to you to continue. Some overly complicated rituals are counter productive to a relationship even if they did protect the girl from STD's, early pregnancy and unsatisfactory early relationships. If there is time and the inclination to reeducate the woman about what it takes to feel excited sexually the male can direct the focus to the stimulation of nerve endings where it belongs. When she can release herself from complicated preconceived notions and concentrate on the skin touching skin she will then be ready to develop a new and more satisfying sequence of stimulating thoughts.

Women with reasonable initiating sequences to sex will respond gratefully to having that special attention given to her when it is her turn to receive sex. When the evening is "about her" the male should participate in the theater by taking her somewhere she likes, showing her off and making her look good in front of others by his competent suave and thoughtful actions. Then he should bath her and tell her how he enjoys being with her. Let her feel the way she has let him know how she wants to feel when he makes love to her. The mechanics of giving her an orgasm is similar to his own so he should understand the kind of auto movement that will be needed when he gets to that point. It is the theater portion that is usually lacking in the males performance.

It is the same way we described randomly selected "manual sex" touches on and around her vagina that the male stimulates her with his lips and tongue for oral sex. She may use slang in a coaxing and non dominating way to talk to him, “I need some kisses right here.” "Good for me, that's good." When she is confident enough to tell him or gently direct his face where she needs stimulation they will work as a team to build the random and rhythmic kissing, licking and gentle bumping motions needed to start her spontaneous movement and finally the spasms of female orgasm. You can tell that she has had an orgasm when her vagina contracts a few times in a row, and she may direct your tongue, fingers or your penis into her vagina. She often gets a momentary layer of sweat and her clitoris becomes too sensitive to touch for a minute or so. Gradually the male can then approach the area again. If he kisses around the vagina and clitoris and then on the clitoris again he can cause her to have several more orgasms that don’t require nearly as much time or effort as the first one. She may want the male to lie on her back or spend some time licking her inside after she has had orgasms. Let her discover what allows her to enjoy her after glow as long as she can make it last.

There is no question that penis vaginal sex is the most pleasant kind of sex for most females. Even the most passive and unresponsive women indicate in some way that penetration is satisfying for them if they are naturally lubricated with previous stimulation or artificially lubricated with KY. Coitus is one of the roles they have always been told to expect and they have usually had many years to anticipate or practice it in their thoughts. So it is during penis vaginal sex that it is most valuable to participate in the female’s fantasies and rituals surrounding sex. To begin with it's simplest form, the woman wants something in her vagina when she has an orgasm. This author contends that all the hype about the G spot is propaganda to meet this one need. They want something in their vagina when they come and if at all possible they would like for it to be the penis. Rubbing the males groin against her clitoris is not a dependable source of orgasm so much confusion and controversy has developed over the centuries about meeting the woman's needs. No matter how you paint it the clitoris has to be stimulated with the same combination of random and then careful repetitive motions but fingers can be as satisfying as a penis when that moment of orgasm comes if that is what she has practiced enjoying. Just like masturbation, you train yourself to be satisfied with what you have at that point in your life whether you are a male or a female, alone or a couple trying to have children or not.

Every man knows that women want romance and most men want to fill this desire as often as it is possible. When its time for coitus it is a good time to play into the theater she likes. If you don’t think your mate is worth the planning and organization it takes to put on a little show for her at least once a month then you are not really into her enough to keep her happy.

The average male who is overly involved with work thinks that he is continually wooing his mate by bringing home the money that contributes to the household and nest. It takes some convincing but he can learn to stop work for a few minutes on Wednesday and call around to find a maid service, a baby sitter, and or family members to free up some time on the weekend to escape into the bedroom, a nearby motel, camp ground or a spa. If you can manage more than one night of freedom, spend the whole first evening and night treating her like a princess. Plan for her to have plenty of private time in the bathroom. Treat her to a meal and going out to do what ever she loves. Take her home and give her a long bath with candles. Finish the bath with a shower in which you join her. Gently wash every inch of her with a soft soapy washcloth. Spend extra time on her feet and back. If at any time she becomes amorous oblige her with kisses or penetration where she requests it. You know your capabilities so don’t waste your orgasm in the shower if you know you will tire out after it. Most individuals will be able to have an extended penis vaginal encounter later in the evening if they let the woman suck one out in the shower. In this case it will only benefit the woman to give him an orgasm before her coitus. But be realistic because you don’t want to ruin her weekend with a premature ejaculation if you don't have more than one to give.

When it is time for bed make sure the room doesn't remind her of responsibilities. Make sure that you or the maid service have everything spick and span so she can relax. Don’t even take it for granted that you will have sex. But don’t play into any established sex power play. Give her every opportunity to become aroused. Just give her a good massage with her favorite music and smells as you remind her about the good things that you two have been through. Get her started talking and let her go with it while you pet her hair, gently chew on her bottom or rub your smoothly shaved face into her stomach. Direct any unpleasant topics to pleasant subjects saying, “This is your time to get away from those things and think about our incredible possibilities.” Or “Let’s pretend those negative subjects just don’t matter tonight because we are going to fix them somehow like we always do.” You both need chances to organize your thoughts and sometimes one of you will have to plan to be the one who redirects you both to a happier state of mind.

If she is on the pill or the couple is ready to have a child that means that there is no lubricant or anti pregnancy device to interfere with the couple alternating from oral to coitus and back again. If you have already given her an orgasm it is very satisfying for the woman and the man to alternate between the sixty-nine position and penis vaginal sex until he is about to have an orgasm. Then he moves his penis to her mouth to have his orgasm or he ejaculates in her vagina. Some women say they like the feeling of ejaculation in their vagina but unless you both have good careers and a network of friends and family to help you raise kids you should wait for that pleasure.

This author is very independent and so it is hard for me to imagine why any individual would give up their privacy and the possibility of new romance unless you have dedicated your lives to having children together. If the couple is trying to have a child it is one of life’s magical moments when you have the orgasm into her vagina and you are both wondering if this time is the one when your sperm makes its way to the egg. You can even promote this by making her have an orgasm shortly after you have yours inside her. Video evidence has proven that the cervix extends and dips into the area where the sperm pools in the vagina when she has an orgasm. This allows the sperm access to the opening in the cervix and shortens its journey into the uterus. If the male is overly concerned about incidental sperm reaching his mouth during cunnilingus it is contrary to his goal to have children and he should get over it.

This author has never been able to dependably make a female have an orgasm using his penis alone. Due to his considerable experience with sex and sex partners he feels confident that oral and/or manual sex is probably the most common and dependable way to give a healthy female the orgasms she deserves and needs. But, as mentioned earlier, it is easier to make a female have orgasms shortly after the first one of the evening so it is shortly after the oral or manually produced orgasms that the penis vaginal orgasms are most likely to occur.

If she has been faking penis vaginal orgasms due to popular societal pressures you will have to work that out with communication.The combinations of authentic romantic events that the male or the female can create to add to her pleasure with coitus are endless and the variety is what keeps people in love/trust. Here are some examples which could add variety to a penis vaginal encounter.

Coitus may take place immediately after she has been given an orgasm orally or manually and so she is already spread eagle and waiting.

It can take place after a good wrestle and you have found yourselves on the floor and laughing in a mass of bedding.

You may find yourself amorous at the same time on his day off when you have dropped the kids at school and you take the mini van to the local state park.

An old couple may do it with her leaning over the kitchen table before breakfast.

Anyone may have the longest copulation of their lives in a swimming pool late at night.

Last but certainly not least, a couple may have every kind of sex on their wedding night to prove to each other that they are there to please the other. Then, after a bath and a rest, he rolls on to her in an automatic bout of kissing and they don’t even notice that their genitals have combined.

It should not be any surprise that any couple who stays together for any reasonable length of time will discover that the woman has another opening with which they can entertain themselves. With the advent of condoms and good hygiene there is no longer a safety issue for individuals who have been responsible about STD testing. Anal sex takes more preparation than most sex to make it hygienic, the same way a women has to prepare her vagina after her menstrual period. The condoms stop any extra bacteria from entering the male’s penis but without condoms the male is very likely to have stomach cramps and could do permanent damage to his internal reproductive organs. If the female is going to do something special and rinse herself inside so thoroughly that he can sometimes go unfettered into her bottom it is truly appreciated by the male. That is an excellent birthday or holiday present. A man can easily be convinced to perform the illusive hour long back rub if the woman has lubricated him, put a condom on him and invited him to keep his dick in her "round electrical outlet" for the duration.

Most women who wait to a responsible age to have children discover this extremely pleasurable form of lovemaking. They also discover the overwhelming happiness and gratefulness it provokes from their mate. Every female learns early on that…
Confident men want variety in their lives unless they have that need humiliated out of them.
Men want to feel appreciated and to feel that their mate has something special for them.
Men sometimes want to put their penis in someplace with muscle control like a mouth or an anis.
Men adore the primitive bottom up posture that has attracted our ancestors for millions of years.
Men appreciate the commitment and effort needed for their female to give them variety in sex.

At any grocery store a woman can buy what she needs to flush out her bottom. She does so in privacy of the bathroom several times when she is preparing to provide her man with anal sex or she can let her sweetheart know it's a good time for it, after she has recently been to the toilet naturally and then in the bath or shower. A nice scented bath is always nice too. Your bottom should be as clean and attractive as your lips. Next she can add to the fulfillment of her man’s fantasies by playfully initiating the act with slang comments that she has taken care to discover are the most stimulating for him. “I need the inside of my bottom massaged.” “Come here and put your dick in me anywhere you want to.” "You deserve a quick one in the ass." If your man is allowed to be honest with you, almost any time you allow him to choose the orifice he wishes he will choose your bottom.

The variety of positions for anal sex is as numerous as any other sex act. Your goal, as in all sex, is to completely fulfill his fantasies so he will be motivated to fulfill yours. Probably the most appealing fantasy for most men is to get on the edge of the bed with your bottom up and hold it at the right height for his groin. No matter how out of shape you think you are, your mate will respond with an erection. This primal pose is a sure stimulator, once he understands what is going on.

Ask him to go get some lubricant and a condom. The visual image of you waiting for anal sex will drive him crazy even if he doesn't show it the first time. You may need to instruct him to lubricate your bottom and his penis, to put on the condom and then lubricate it too. Reach back and hold your bottom open. According to the size of his penis you may need to let him know he will have to be slow at first and to take his time putting it in. After you have adjusted your opening to the size of his penis he can move in and out carefully until you adjust to the movement. Finally he can hold your hips or shoulders and pump your bottom just as if he were in your vagina. This is one time you can really use slang to its greatest effect because your mouth doesn't have a penis in it and there are endless combinations of comments to stimulate a man who is entering you anally. “I needed a good massage in there.” “I want you to enjoy fucking my ass.” “I want to give you everything you want.” The list is endless. The more original the slang comments said with modesty and enthusiasm the more you will be providing him with relationship strengthening memories. Sounds that are associated with the anal penetration are also very welcome. Sounds of quiet grunting or mmmmm sounds let him know you are going out of your way for him. If he doesn't want to waste the orgasm in your bottom, have a good bath together and let him enjoy his orgasm wherever he wants it later.

There is no reason you couldn't prepare yourself as often as he likes anal sex and let him discover for himself when he has had too much. This will almost guarantee that he will never feel trapped and he will be excited to come home every day. If you have kids who need your constant observation you can set up a place to observe them through curtains while he is in back of you enjoying your bottom. Why should raising children interfere with meeting you and your husband’s needs? Why shouldn't you always fulfill his fantasies? Why can’t you always be his fantasy woman? You can be.

He is not using you. You are his only source of sex. Why wouldn't you make him happy letting him kiss your body anywhere he wants to as long as he wants to while your both watching TV? Find a time every single day for some kind of sexual stimulation, no matter how brief. Then give him his orgasm if he wants one or just give him the sexual stimulation that will reassure him orally, manually vaginally or anally. Maybe all he will want is five or ten minutes a day of variety taken from your 8 hours of work 10 hours of child raising and 2 hours of house keeping. He knows how hard your work but it is hard to be objective when the person you want to have sex with is walking around in front of you and won't give a quicky orgasm or stimulation at least once a day. He is going to want to have sex more often than you. Humans evolved that way to keep the species alive but we are also evolved enough to use that tendency to keep the couple unified. Maybe he will want the same thing at the same time for years and then move on to something else for a month and so on. Let him know just how often he should surprise you with the romantic events that you crave but give him his fantasy sex every day and you can rest assured that you have a wing on which to float above the majority of present day marriages.

At some point most men will suggest some sex act which is dangerous to the relationship. This is usually a result of pornography. As mentioned earlier, a firm but loving statement will always end the urge peacefully such as, "I love pleasing you sexually but having a third party participate or anything where you act angry or bossy would ruin sex for us, in the long run and I want to fuck you in every hole for ever."

One man may consider himself to be the luckiest man on earth if he can jump back into bed after his shower every morning and be able to depend on a loving mouthing with his choice of orgasm or not. A more experienced man will wake his woman with a warm moist wash cloth on her eyes each day. He will let her know that she could fulfill his living fantasy if she will establish her morning routine before his so she can use the toilet and shower before he has his turn in the bathroom. That way she can give him a quick arousing sucking and anal sex every morning with his choice of orgasm or not.

If daily quickies seem oppressive it is because you don't have one to depend on each day. It is also likely that you don't want to be inconvenienced, even to improve your sex life and save your marriage. Any one who does have a reassuring routine of daily stimulation will tell you that they would miss and crave their three weeks of anal sex almost superstitiously if they are forced to have a episiodomy during child birth, for instance. They would also purposefully replace their routine sex with daily oral sex or what ever their mate wanted until they can fall into the comfort of their loving habit. Routines that constantly challenge you to excellence and make you feel you and your mate are lucky, are routines that are worthy endeavors. That is not to say that the daily routine replaces the spontaneity described earlier in this paper. The spontaneous sex is much improved if the sexual dialogue is maintained with daily quickies. This author can not make you have happy sex/communication with your mate. Only you can break your routines and include your mate's fantasies. A relationship can be all you both want it to be. Decide before you commit yourself for the long run because poorly chosen mates can steal years of your life. The kind of variety described in this paper and the trust required to maintain it are enough to revitalize a relationship which is floundering and it can coax individuals to build their mental and physical fitness together so they can squeeze as much out of life as they possibly can. We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.

This author has been very lucky to meet an enormous number of people and to get to know more than most. As a teacher, a member of a large family and the other half of a great many valuable monogamous romantic relationships with women there are few experiences this author can not relate to. Committed to Art then Music and finally education and unwilling to marry until late in life, he thought he could help a brutalized woman by bringing her into his family. A man with a less loving family might have become jaded or isolated after being hit, verbally abused and chased around the neighborhood before he asked for a divorce. Judge for yourself if it has been a wasted life or one worth sharing.

The main idea of this paper is to elaborate on the phrase "You have to work at your marriage." Most individuals who use the phrase don't go into enough detail about the beautiful differences between men and women. This explanation is written by a man for men and women who want to know what a man can want and what he does want. He can want exciting variety that will please the woman and he does want sexual simulation every day. The man very definitely is driven by his testosterone to want more sex than the woman until the woman gets her wake up call in her forties and her body changes to a new purpose. By this time the man is usually trained with subtle humiliation, or his loyalty and is often unable to become the assertive lover she wants at that time of her life. These traditional, out of sink sex drives are easily overcome when both the male and the female's needs are met as soon as possible in their relationship.

When the female is sure the male can be trusted to make every attempt to provide her with the security of a healthy and forward moving family without end, she must then be trusted to provide total enthusiastic access to the bliss that she arouses in him every moment she can be sensed or remembered by him. He is aroused by you approximately every 18 seconds and when even minimal privacy allows the opportunity for even minimal sexual contact that should be a cherished opportunity by the woman to reward and motivate her mate. If she doesn't think her man deserves the "inconvenience" of both replacing his masturbation and letting him know exactly what will make her sexually fulfilled, then she is not enthusiastic enough about him to make it through the inevitable challenges that will come from within and without their relationship.

At one extreme we might imagine a poor and grossly overweight couple reading this book and then the male begins to walk or jog the outer the perimeter of the house calling to his wife, "I'm starting now to get in better shape for you and my career, and it's all for our fantastic future together." the woman runs to him, knocking him to the ground, in the fenced in back yard, and brings him to an orgasm by any means necessary saying, "Let me know when and where you want it and nothing will stop me from showing how I appreciate you any time forever." Then consider the opposite extreme of two wealthy and svelte go getters who's schedules have not crossed in months when he calls her at lunch to say, "If you have a moment I would like to tell you how happy I am that we are working together on our, out of control, life and that I would not work my life away for anyone else on this earth but you? Imagine the woman on the other end of that line asking him to move to the restroom or some place in his office and she talks him through three minutes of the most variety filled phone sex that she can dream up. She ends with, "Wake me or kiss me anytime of the day or night and I will do anything your heart desires for the rest of your life." I intended for this paper to explain how individuals can learn about the skills and trust required to fulfill your personalized visions so every single person can be adored and appreciated.